Pay me in Cheerios.

I just realized the worst part about today.  I forgot to bring a camera and did NOT take photos of todays events.  I am officially sad.  My mission president is home, so a bunch of us headed up to Logan to go to this spectacular event.  It was zone conference all over again and I loved every minute of it. Including the part where we only got 3 1/2 hours of sleep and most of that time, I twitched awake trying to get rid of the bugs crawling over my body.  (We slept outside.) BUT it was wonderful.  I felt so much joy seeing so many familiar missionary faces and being reminded again, how truly my mission has changed my life for good.  I am so grateful.

Now, on the other hand, I have also come to realize how much I need to change as a person.  I need more charity in my life, selfless service, and to step out of my comfort zone, throw away all concerns and just step up to the plate and just TALK to people! It's like Preach My Gospel, right? Talk with EVERYONE!  A trial that has NOT ended with the mission!  So I've made lots of goals for the coming week and we'll see what happens.  I am so tired, though.  I still feel lost with many things and kind of just don't get it...But I suppose I shall one day, right?  Oh well.  I am impressed with myself, by the way, I am writing on here within a three day time period.  Impressive.  It was a good week.  Nonetheless, stressful and hard, too.  But we'll see what amounts.  Ciao.

Same 'ol, Same 'ol.

Well, it's been a LONG time since I've posted anything, so I think I'm going to break the trend and start at this very instant.  Nothing really new in the life of Mademoiselle Erin; still working like crazy, still can't talk to boys, and still socially awkward.  HOWEVER, I guess I have figured some things out.  For example, I am NOT going back to Rexburg.  I'm sticking around in Provo.  Whether I go to BYU or UVU, we'll find out shortly.  But I will be studying graphic design and I am planning to move out in January.  Phew.  Glad part of that is figured out.  I'm just ready to do it now.  I feel so ambitious...ready to live life and make the most out of it.  I think often times, that is why I run from boys.  (Is that so bad?)

Anyways, really, nothing new.  I am dying from working two jobs and seriously contemplating if one job would be better...I just feel so burnt out.  I need money, but I need to be happy too! I need a life!!  But we'll see...I just don't want to leave my nanny job high and dry...I would feel so bad.  But at the same time, I think I might need to.  We'll see. Who knows?  Life is such a puzzle. 

Oh, and for the record, new favorite song: Hot Air Balloon by Owl City.  Check it out.  Perhaps I'll even post it on here!  Peace!

FOUR!

I am a freak of nature.  Okay, glad that is off my chest.

Now, for some explaining.  So, I still have yet to understand the opposite sex.  I tend to run, duck for cover, and put golf balls at them, all the while hiding my face so no one can see me.  Ugh...We went golfing tonight for our "THE"  (Tuesday Home Evening) with the ward...all the while a guy tried to hit on me the entire time and I kept trying my best to avoid eye contact and to shoot him down.  Well, it worked for now.  He even tried asking me out, and I wormed myself out of it...So awkward.  Now, when it comes to someone who I might actually be interested in, it seems as if I do the same exact thing...avoid eye contact, shoot him down, and feel completely squirmy when it comes to talking to him.  Yikes.  Am I really a helpless case?  I vote yes.

Anyways, there is so much more on my mind.  I still have no idea what to do with my life!! I desire an education, perhaps even a master's degree if time and money permit so, at the LEAST a Bachelor's...But really, where?  What? When? How?  I am also thinking of moving out.  But money is always an issue. Besides, this past week, my Dad was laid off from his job.  Ouch.  I'm sorry Dad.  Kind of scary, too.  Even for me, that could put a damper with what I wish to do, so I could perhaps help support my own family, which if circumstances call for, I'll do it.  I think the really hard thing for me right now is that I have been home from the mish for 3 1/2 months now, and I am just so ready to start my life.  But I'm not quite sure which path to take, let alone when it will just take off.  Real life is just hard. N'est-ce pas?  Okay, I'll step down my soap box.  I ought to just rename my blog to "Erin's soap box." It would be appropriate, wouldn't it?

Well, then.

I am exhausted.  Each night, I fight to stay awake and for some strange, odd reason, refuse to go to bed. Now I understand why those twins I watch never go to sleep...they do the same thing.  Hmm...Anyways, I am now  finding myself here on my blog, writing nonsense.  I just recently updated my facebook status to "Erin is kinda feeling a thousand different emotions."  I am.  Probably a lot due to work...You know, I came home a little frustrated last night for a number of reasons, but one of them being that I came home, planning on starting a new life, something fresh, something different.  And where do I find myself?  Back at the dub, still living at home, planning on going back to Idaho.  I mean, not that these choices are bad, I just kind of crave something new.  But I guess that's why following the spirit is the most important thing.  I can't receive the promised blessings if I just follow a whim, instead of following the carefully lined blueprints that my Heavenly Father holds.  As I work, as I build on what He has given me, everything will fall into place.  But oh my GOODNESS! This building stuff is hard!  I am waiting for the walls to fly up, everything fall into place NOW, during which I'm forgetting that building is a process, not an event.  I should just be happy that I have the blueprints...I might not see the finished product now, but that's where my faith needs to kick in, with the hope that it will be splendid and more than I ever dreamed.

Never Say Never

Lesson Rule #27 : Never Say Never.  You know, it seems just about the time I say that one letter word, is when it comes flying around and biting me in the bum.  Shall we took a look at what I have said "never" to?  

1. "I will never live in Idaho."

2. "I will never work fast food."

3. "I will never return to my high school job."

4. "I will never live in New Mexico again."

Those are just the beginning of beginnings, and only about the fourth one, thus far has yet to come true.  But...let's go back a couple days, shall we? There I can further explain...

I have come to love my little nanny job that I am currently working at.  Better yet, the family said that they would love to keep me until the end of the year...which in January I would be planning on leaving to BYU-Idaho anyways...(There's the return to the statement #1) so it would be perfect! Now, all I need is another part time job so that I could earn a sufficient amount of money for my schooling...Hmm, I also need a job that would be flexible, willing to give me time off when needed, pay well-enough, and also give me all the hours that I need...Hmmm...Let's see...if I go to, let's say, Job A, it is a fixed schedule, no flexibility, couldn't work as a nanny as well, and minimum wage.  It seems that Job B, Job C, AND Job D are the same situation...So, as my mind began to contemplate what to do, statement #3 pops in.  But this time, it feels so right.  Not only that, but I could feel the spirit testify to me that that is exactly what I needed to do.  It is the strongest impression I have received on regards to what to do with my life for the moment.  So, I went in this morning, and I have got my old job back.  At the dub.  Yes, my dear friends and family, and friendly internet stalkers, I am returning.  So wish me luck, give me a pat on the back, because surprisingly enough, I feel really happy about this decision and very excited, whereas if you told me even just a month ago, I probably would have thrown something at you.  So, there it is!  God has some great humor, but I truly do believe that He is very much in the detail of our lives, and I have a feeling that I don't even understand the slightest portion of that very phrase.

Bored.

It's raining. It's pouring.  I'm afraid to say I'm snoring.  So here I am.  Writing in my dear 'ol blog.  So...I think I am starting to put some puzzle pieces together.  It's not 100 % certain, but still.  I think I AM going to go back to BYU-Idaho after all, and I AM going to continue studying graphic design with a minor in  advertising.  I was talking to my old mission companion's husband and he was telling me that if he could re-do school he would study graphic design because all the job interviews he has had requires some knowledge about it.  He told me that before I told him what I was thinking of studying, so when I did tell him, he told me that that was a strong combination.  Cool.  But yes...I have out-ruled UVU because it doesn't really hold the programs I am looking for, and BYU, let's face it...My grades are awful and I don't know if that's really where I want to be, either.  So voila.  I haven't told a lot of people about this, because it's not hundred percent certain, but it's the choice that feels the most right out of them all.

Well, what to say?  Life is kind of a stand still for a moment.  I mean, I'm still doing the nanny gig, I am still not yet in school and probably won't be until January 2010 ( insert sad face ), I'm still getting all my friends married off, I'm still single...I'm still...I'm still...what else would you like me to add? So...I'm just waiting for the "pick up" of life to come along and get this party started.  I'm ready to move...ready to do something new and beyond that which I've ever done.  I don't know what that is, but it definitely isn't this routine business. But to throw things off for the week, I've decided to boycott the MTC.  :)

The highlight of the week thus far is the fact that I FINALLY bought things while shopping.  Horray!  I bought one skirt, three shirts, a tank top, and a hoodie.  I mean, is that incredible or what? Before I was buying the following:         .  Yes.  There is no invisible word there.  I have been failing at shopping just until yesterday. Donc, voila.  

Okay, I think it's time to end this here.  I'm off to go find something to do...Hmm...Man, I've been doing this "finding" stuff a lot more as of late.  Well,  got to start somewhere! :)

Brazilian Angels

...So.  I have decided that I cannot ever again watch "the Errand of Angels".  You know, that sister missionary movie?  Yes...I cried at the end.  It made me miss my mission so much! It just gave me that much more of a memory of what my mission is really worth to me.  I would give anything to just go back out...Being home is so overrated!!  Ahhhh...I mean, now I got this real life business to deal with.  Not cool.  Look at me, I think I only use this blog to complain.  Okay, so on to something else...

Well, I had a great miracle this past week.  One of the many ones was when I was at the MTC and I was coming out after just having volunteered at the TRC (Teaching Resource  Center for those who don't know) and on my way out, a senior couple and their teacher stopped me.  They were from Brazil and practicing their English, for they were preparing to become a mission president in Brazil.  There English was so simple, yet the purity of their testimonies and the simplicity of it all, touched my heart so deep, afterwards, I cried on the drive home.  The power and the truth of it sunk so deep in my heart.  The gospel IS true! Jesus IS the Christ! He DID call Joseph as a prophet for our days!  So simple, yet it was so profound.

Blessings are coming into place, I am starting to see them...and I know that there are a lot more that the Lord is waiting and ready to give to me.  I just have to be patient.  But man! That movie killed me, today! Being home is awful...I miss the mission more than anything.  But life goes on.  As I have been reminded over and over again, this is just the beginning of my mission here on earth.  There are other things that the Lord wants me to do, other things He needs me to perform for the salvation of His children.  I can do it with His help.  With Him, I can do anything!  I just got to keep going! Keep the path and with cheerfulness, bear these burdens and make it towards Him.  Well, that's all for now.  But I can tell you one thing, I know that Jesus is my Savior and will guide me through all these hardships and bring me the blessings that are waiting in store.

English Fun

So, I just noticed that I wrote "write" in place of the word "right" and the other day I wrote "son" instead of the word "sun".  Wow, am I special or what?  My English is suffering due to an extreme year and a half mission in the French hemisphere of Europe.  Tant pis!! Peut-etre je peux juste parler ET ecrire en francais.  Avec ca, personne peut me comprendre (meme sans les accents!)  et personne peut me critiquer ma grammaire.  Voila. Mince...seulement les francais peut me critiquer....NON!  Fin.  Je vais changer.  Wow...So I'm babbling.  

So on a different subject,  I don't really know why I've been struggling these past couple of days.  I have always heard that you just have to get past the first two week after your mission, and then things are okay. NOT TRUE! It's been a month now, and I'm STILL struggling!  Maybe I misunderstood and it was just after two MONTHS.  Man, I feel like a complainer.  I just need to kick my life into gear, get and keep a positive attitude, and go from there.  YES! That is what I shall do.  I mean,  I know I can't be a full-time missionary forever.  This life is a part of my mission and I need to make it the best possible, too.  I have things that I need to prepare for and do NOW so that Heavenly Father can pour out His many blessings upon me and those around me.  So this is my new goal: To be positive and look for the good, and continue to learn, grow and improve while accepting the fact that I am home, that I must deal with real life, and that is how it needs to be.  So here I go, world! I am coming! Thank you blogspot! :)

The Reflecting Pool

So, here I am.  Trying out this whole blog thing.  Haha...thanks Kayla.  My life write now....doesn't feel like it's going anywhere anytime soon.  Now I'm a pretty active, must keep going forward kinda girl, so being stuck here in this ditch is killing me.  On the mission, everything was planned.  School and a part-time job was never an option.  Let's don't even throw in the whole boy stuff because that's a car wreck of an idea.  But the moment I stepped off that plane, into my old, strangely foreign yet familiar world, all these things came speeding up at 90 mph.  Voila. Welcome Home Soeur Stay.  It's all new, yet all so old.  I just don't know what to do with myself.  I mean, I've been blessed; I have this great little job, my family is great, I have wonderful friends, and...and...I still feel stuck.  I want to go to school SO bad...but where? when? and what in the world am I going to study? I'm so lost.  Typical.  I always seem to be lost.  But it will come, right?  It will...I just got to take each mile at a time, each road side marker when it comes, and finally, one day, perhaps I'll catch a glimpse of where I'm supposed to turn.