Lost in Christmas

Sometimes, I feel like a lost child. Lost among the aisles of an unfamiliar grocery store. Searching, looking, wondering...

I feel lost this Christmas. I watch as my peers leave to go home for Christmas. Yes, I, too, will be home for Christmas, but it feels different. I live only 23 minutes away. I work a normal schedule (with the exception of Christmas Eve...which I get off at 1:00), but everything will remain the same. I don't feel like Christmas is really here. What does Christmas mean anyway? I know apart from the trimmings, the lights, and the ornaments, that Christmas means a much more than wrapped presents. It means that our Savior was born. That our loving Father in Heaven gave us His precious son so that we may return home.

What a marvelous gift! I feel so selfish in so many different ways. How often do I really remember the precious love my Savior offers me? How do I share that love with those around me? Why can't I seem to grasp the spirit of Christmas this year? Why does it feel so shallow? Where is the magic of Christmas that I once felt? I hate this, but I keep thinking that this Christmas doesn't have to be special. It doesn't have to be magical, or filled with beauty and wonder as many Christmases that have come and gone have been. I can just let it happen, and move on. No! Each and every Christmas should be special in one way or another.

I suppose I have work to do. Starting at this very moment. "Mets-toi au travail et constuis!" (translation: Put youself to work and build! Name the scripture..) That shall be my goal. Not only for this week, but for the weeks to come. The spirit of Christmas should be celebrated and cultivated year round, not only for the month of December. Imagine a world full of the spirit and light of Christ every day of the year. Perhaps this is a time to recommit myself to my Savior and to do better.

Joyeux Noel!

Paris

Seriously. I am this close to buying a ticket and going to Paris. I can't tell you how much I desire to go back to France and Belgium...to discover the new and uncover the old. I miss it so much. Words are not sufficient. It looks like school isn't working out this January...I'm back to square one. Ha. So why not Paris?

Sleep is NOT a necessity. Sort of.

Don't worry. I'm not sleeping. I have a lot on my mind. Have you ever passed judgment on someone, only to find how very wrong you were? Or perhaps, you didn't see the full side of the story. Sometimes, I feel so oblivious to people around me, completely unaware of their trials or problems. I am so caught up with my own, that I forget that those around me as as well struggling with this probationary state. How selfish, how weak, how forgetful I am. Life is hard enough to go through alone. If we let Heavenly Father, we can be instruments in His hands to lift and bring joy to His children. How often do I, myself, ask that question?

Oh, how I need to go to bed! But these pounding questions of how I can become better, how I can be an instrument rests upon my mind. I don't know where to start, or even what to do. I suppose it all starts with prayer. The rest follows with action.

Just a few thoughts for now, bed time has arrived.

The Pitter Patter of Rain

I love the rain. Seriously. I LOVE it. A day couldn't be more perfect without it. There is something just so wonderful to hear it patter on the window or to feel it on your face. Then, we throw in the factor of puddles, and we create a whole new story.

Anyways, I love life. Truly, I do. It is truly a gift from God. I wish I could adequately express my feelings here, but I'm not sure if it would do justice. One thing I have learned over the last few months or so, is that God knows perfectly what we need and what needs to happen in our lives. So many times we think we know better...WRONG! He always knows better, and if we trust in Him, He will guide us down the better path.

I'm planning on starting school this January! I couldn't be more excited! It has taken, what it feels like, a half century to finally get back on my feet. I hope and pray that things work out for school, but if not, I know God has a better plan. But so far, I feel so good about it, and finally on the right track. Specifics will have to follow later.

Today, I miss the mission. I miss Europe. I miss being a missionary, the feeling and power that comes with it. The miracles that happen daily. The light of the gospel changing others for the better. I miss bearing my testimony daily of my Savior, to random people whom I have never met. The Spirit bearing truth to those people and seeing the light of Christ take place.

I also miss speaking and understanding French. The smell of bread in the streets as we would run in the mornings. I miss Europe in general...It all feels so far away, as if it all happened in some strange lifetime. I hate how the longer I am off my mission, the more foreign it becomes to me. My mission changed me. I am so grateful for my Heavenly Father who permitted me the occasion to serve among the wonderful people of Belgium and France. I hope and pray that perhaps one day, I may go back.

Well, these are the current thoughts on my brain...random and scattered as they may be. Ciao for now, but for now, I shall go to enjoy the rest of this rainy day.

The Scenic Route

It seems as if every time my car breaks down, my life is crashing down along with it. I often wonder what the Lord is trying to teach me at these moments of life. It just seems bizarre, that these two events coincide with one another. I am picking up my car from the shop today. A nice fee of $403 later, it shall be fixed and as close to new as it could be...hopefully. Perhaps it is a time that I need to remember that I, like my car, need to be repaired every now and then. When the mileage of life adds up, and I neglect to repair the damages made, it adds up. Despite my resilience to keep moving forward, I can't. I break down. I must humble myself, take myself to the mechanic, and become new. Luckily I know of the perfect mechanic, and He knows how to fix me up perfectly, whereas no one else would ever be able to know how to fix me. He knows because He has been there. He knows the rough stretch of terrain that i just passed, and better yet, He knows the road ahead and will make me stronger so I can better face the path to come. I would be lost without my Savior.

Merci, Père.

Let's be honest; life is hard. Right? We all go through struggles in many different shapes and forms. Frequently, I like to run from my problems and find a hiding place. At work, I lack for hiding places, but I will hide some thoughts here. But instead of complaining or writing words I'll just regret, I want to turn this into a post of gratitude. Often times, I forget to be thankful. I have been blessed with so much, that during the times of affliction, it seems as if I forget that the Lord truly is blessing me and has a hand in my life. So here are some of the things that I am truly grateful for:

1: I'm grateful to be where I stand today. I have been blessed with a wonderful place to live, great roommates, a wonderful ward, a great calling, a fabulous job that just fell into the palm of my hands, and so much more. I know I am in the right place at the right time, and I couldn't be more grateful for that knowledge...especially when I try to run, I am grateful for my knowledge in this.

2: I'm grateful for wonderful friends. Friends who help me to see how silly I am, that I can't make this life alone. Even with my stubbornness, I'm grateful for friends who are patient with me and willing to help me through.

3: Along with great friends, some of my best friends that I'm most grateful for is my family. They are some of my strongest supports in life that lift me up and give me exactly the words of encouragement that I need. They are some of the greatest and strongest people I know. Without them, I have no idea where I would be. I love them so much and thank my Father in Heaven for them.

4: I'm grateful for the gospel. The power of prayer, the strength in scripture study, the love of my Savior and His patience and perfect understanding and mercy. Seriously, how the Atonement works, I may never fully understand, except that it does work. I'm also grateful for my Heavenly Father that hears and answers prayers. I have seen so many wonderful responses to my prayers, which I'm infinitely grateful for.


I could go on and on, but I think this will suffice for now. Gratitude has a healing effect on the heart and I encourage all who are struggling or just down in life to open their eyes and see the good things that do surround each one of us. I promise that you will find the good and see that indeed, your Father in Heaven is caring for you and blessing us amidst our trial of affliction.

Hello, Monday!

It's a start of a new week. I heard a member here at my Credit Union tell my co-worker, "Ugh. Monday! Hope you live to survive it!" It got me thinking. Why do we have such negative view towards Monday? It seems as if all people tend to frown upon Monday, as if it is something disgusting and of no worth. But really, shouldn't we be excited for Monday? Putting Sunday aside, it is the start of a new week. A chance for change. It has the possibility to make the coming week fabulous, or perhaps destined for doom. Embrace Monday. Think about last week. What was the best thing about the week before? What can you change? How can this week become better? What if we all just looked at Monday as a chance to progress and a step towards the right direction?

So here you have it. This is my determination: to seize this beautiful Monday and make it a great starting point for the week. No matter what challenges lay ahead, no matter what uncertainties seems to taint my thoughts, this week is going to be awesome. It's time to make goals, look forward with faith, and take a step into a fabulous week. So, Happy Monday to you!

A String of Thoughts

I feel like I just need to write something here. It's been awhile. So here it goes.

First, life is awesome. 'Nough said. Even with the trials, mysteries, and sometimes just the unknown, it tends to make life that much more exciting. I honestly have no idea where my life is headed right now. I feel the need to temporarily put school on hold, which is extremely hard for me. I love school. I thrive for it. I deeply desire to be well-educated. But if I must wait, then wait I will.

I am just working full time right now. I love my job. It has been such a great blessing in my life. I keep thinking back to how I moved to Provo on a whim...quitting my old job and starting anew, knowing that Heavenly Father would take care of everything. That he has. It's a miracle.

Life is a miracle. I'm blessed with wonderful friends, a fabulous family, a great place to live, and so many wonderful experiences in my life.

I don't have much to say, except life is good. Even with its downfalls...I trust my Heavenly Father and the plan He holds for me in the palm of His hands, even when things seem impossible.

Spiders and Blessings

A spider fell onto my bed and disappeared...I am exhausted, yet I fear that I might not sleep very well tonight. The couch might make a comfy bed...

Can I tell you how good life is? Heavenly Father never ceases to amaze me. Remember all the crazy decisions I had? Things are just falling into place. Just at the end of spring term, I received a job that I had desired for quite some time...I am now a teller at a credit union! I love it. It is such a wonderful job full of wonderful people. Shout out to Kayla, who helped me through the process and recommended that I fill out an application! I'm not quite sure what this means to my schooling career...yet again, I know I'm in the right place at the right time. Things will continue to fall into place. Also, I managed to get off of my apartment complex's waiting list and was able to sign a year contract. Heeellloooo Provo! You're stuck with me for at least a year. We'll see what life brings then.

But things are just good! I pulled off good grades and absolutely LOVED my classes. I love school. I'm such a nerd. But I just feel so blessed and a love for so many things. I feel ambitious, and ready to take on the world. Life is SO good!

Fourth of July weekend is coming up. Guess where I'm going? Idaho! Ha. I'm actually pretty excited. A bunch of people from my ward are heading up and it's going to be a blast.

Well, I'm going to try one last time to conquer the spider, and hopefully will be on my way to sweet dreams. Night!

Decisions, decisions.

Well, it has been awhile. So I shall blog to you...my imaginary audience. Lots have been happening, and at the same time, lots have not been happening.

FIRST...I moved! Sweet! I'm doing a term at BYU during the spring and I'm loving it. I love my new ward, I love my new apartment, I love being out! At the same time, it is nice knowing the family and friends are close by. But really, I lucked out. My roommates are great, the people who live here are great, and things, in general, are just great! So I finally got out of repeat mode and changed something! Now I just have to figure out what to do next...I'm only a visiting student at BYU, and chances of actually getting into BYU is highly unlikely. So...do I return to Idaho? Do I transfer to UVU (which does not have my major, btw)? Do I find a job and just work? Decisions, decisions. But things will work out. They always seem to.

Anywho...I really don't have anything to say. Aren't I boring? How about next time I post, I promise it will be more interesting. Ok? Good. Ciao for now.

My Running Shoes

My running shoes are getting way too far in front of me...I just can't seem to stand still! Can I please run off to Paris? Or perhaps London? Or Brazil? Or Florida? Or ANYWHERE...I have been antsy for a very long time now...I don't even know what to do with myself! I'm ready to move, ready to explore, ready for change.

Ok. Now, for a bit more grounding...I have made some plans! I will be attending BYU this summer. Remember how I was planning on going back to Idaho? Nope. No more. It just wasn't right. I can't tell you how relieved I am. I mean, it brought me back to square one, but I can't tell you how I have just been searching for excuse after excuse to not go back. I found one. :) Which excuse is that it just isn't right. Phew. I mean, I love that school...I love the program, I loved my experiences there...but these wings need some new stretching room.

Square One. I started going crazy. I had to figure out what puzzle pieces matched, which ones didn't, I had to entertain different ideas such as going abroad, going to a different school, perhaps looking into a new major...the list went on and on. I can't say that I have it all figured out...BUT I am planning for the Y this summer. Finally. Some movement! However, I still yearn to go abroad...to travel...but I need to find a purpose for such. I'd love to work in Europe or do some form or a study abroad. Life is a maze. I'll figure my way through one day. But for now...back to day dreaming and keep on moving forward. Something will work out. It always does. ;)

Une Semaine...

So, I have started a project. It is called, "A Week of Change". Simply, each week, I decide to mix things up a little, enabling me to grow and stretch a little. Last week, I did a full week of not using the internet. Yes, that means, no e-mail, no facebook, nothing. It was actually very liberating. I started using time more wisely and got a lot more accomplished. This week is a week of no chocolate/ice cream/desserts. Ugh. It is very difficult. However, I do feel healthier and I have been a lot more aware of what I take into my system. I have other ideas for the coming weeks, such as a week of just wearing skirts, a week of being a vegetarian, etc. I am excited to take on these new adventures and discover new areas of life. So bring on the adventures and bring on the victories. To all who are reading, I challenge you to think what you, yourself, can either give up or take on for one whole week. Think of a goal you have always wanted to accomplish. Start now!

Happy February

Happy February! Guess what tomorrow is....GROUND HOG'S DAY! Horray! For those of you who roll your eyes at my excitement at what seems is such a little holiday, repent! This is a very extraordinary holiday...for it means that spring is soon on its way! Imagine if we didn't check to see what the ol' ground hog's eyes beheld. Spring would never come forth. This ground hog is just as important as Santa. Santa brings toys. The ground hog brings spring.

Anyways...it seems as if I have so much I want to write. Often, it seems as if words can't escape the tips of my fingers. Emotions run deep. My brain doesn't seem to reach its depths. I have so many desires to write articles, columns, whatever it may be, to inspire the world to change for the better. (You may all be relieved now, for now you know, I am not an evil villain.)

Change the subject. Again. I am leaving in April to the frozen land of Idaho. I finally am hinting that school is just around the corner. This month marks my year of returning home from my mission. I look past at this year, trying to see what in the world I have accomplished. Though I haven't traveled as I so much desired, I have made wonderful friends, learned essential things, earned money for school, and have been happy. Happiness is a triumph. One can be in Memphis or Australia, even, and be the most miserable of souls. Therefore, how blessed am I? To be home and to love what I have.

Bienvenue l'hiver

Why hello! It has been quite some time since I have written. So, I thought perhaps I might write down a few random things, just to keep my small audience up to date (if I even have an audience). Now, the holidays were wonderful, the start of the new year has been exhilarating, and wonderful things are approaching. It's so good to be home. Finally.

Now, on that last little note, I have been feeling very restless. I desire to spread these wings and rise into the sky toward a new location. I have not stayed put within the last 4-5 years, so it is kind of strange to be in just one place. I really can't complain about my current circumstances. My family is wonderful, my friends are abundant and I couldn't ask for better, I love my singles ward, my job, really, isn't that awful. I feel blessed. But often times, I feel as if I can't progress without doing new things, without stretching myself, or experiencing something new.

Hmm...well, this is all for now. I am off to go save the world. Ciao.